so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
