I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i permit you to call me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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