i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
