well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
