Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
