did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love you.
Bad choice
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
