I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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