Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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