And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
