Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
