sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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