do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
