This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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