if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
