I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
