OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
