I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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