Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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