it hurts more in the daytime
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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