Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
