i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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