My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
