:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
