oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
