im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
