Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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