JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
