Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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