Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
