I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
