everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
