if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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