And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
