we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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