A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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