checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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