I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
