i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
