Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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