She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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