i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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