I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
