I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
