how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
