U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
