I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
