she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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