You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
