Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
