You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
